Numb me.

Make it all go away.

Fix my heartache,

Fix my headache. 

Sip, pull, crush, swallow.

It doesn’t matter what I have to do. 

Snort, inhale, gulp, pop it. 

Just make it all go away. 

Make me forget, 

Make me not care.

Just make me feel alive and happy.

I just wanna be happy. 

fuckyeahfluffies:

Fashionistas come in all shapes and sizes

This is me. :]

Thanks, mom.

The thing I love most about my mother is how open minded and free she is. I’ve always been the black sheep in my family and even though once in a while the things I did upset her, she never judged me, told me I was strange or stopped loving me. My mom has had a very hard life but she hasn’t let it turn her bitter. She’s funny, loves to laugh and go out and sometimes acts like a child. I’m not perfect but I can do no wrong in her eyes. No matter what I pierce, what color my hair is, my sexual preference, how long I’m unemployed for or what kind of music I like, she doesn’t care. She also gets that times change. She changes right along with them. My family outside my mothers home likes to judge me because they don’t understand me and my likes. But not my mother, she may not fully understand me but she doesn’t care. She just knows I’m her daughter and she loves me. I will forever be grateful for that.

Up and Down…

I’m so sick of feeling his way… One moment I’m okay, the next moment I’m in tears and completely miserable. Everything reminds me of you, especially music. I miss you but I know we’re never going to happen. Fuck, heartbreak makes the time drag by. It’s only been a week…

Fuck…

What do you do when you loose your better half? When the one person who gave you the reason to live is no longer there? Fuck… I have no clue. I’m slowly falling apart. My eyes are red and puffy already and it’s only been an hour or so. I want to curl up and just sleep forever. How can I even sleep with this sorrow? The feeling of my heart breaking into little tiny pieces? Where does my future go now? He was my future. We picked out our wedding cake. We named our future children. Artemis & Amaya. None of this is ever going to happen. He said he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. He said he was in love with me. Ha. He can’t possibly know what love is. I know love. I gave him all of me. I gave him whatever he wanted. I let him bully me a little bit. I did anything he wanted even if I didn’t want to. I guess it’s true what they say. Most men can’t stand commitment. That’s all I ever wanted. Commitment and respect. I can’t lie though. He’s made me so fucking happy. He made my future seem brighter. I was the happiest when I just chilled with him, my head on his chest and his arm around as he watched a movie or watched our friend play videogames. That is what I’ll miss the most. The little things… the way he stroked my hair or kissed my forehead. When he would gently bite the tip of my nose and even though I hated it, the way he would blow into my nostrils. But the thing I’ll miss the most is the way I could be myself with him, the way I could just be silly with him and he wouldn’t care. Fuck… there’s a gaping hole in my chest. Why did I say yes? Why did he ask me? What do I do now? I need a drink. I need anything. Anything at all to fill in this gaping hole in my chest. Fuck…

I think I look nice tonight. :)

My night so far…

4 7.5 hydrocodone, a few shots of Absolut vodka and a blunt shared with my ex. Add that to some awesome tunes and some Jet Set Radio Future. Not bad at all for a Thursday night spent with an ex boyfriend. Also, it took me forever to write this. lol. 

Night Owl.

Last night I didn’t fall to sleep until 6 something AM. I guess technically I didn’t even sleep last night. Lately it seems like I’m always falling asleep around 4-6 AM. It’s mostly because I’m on the phone with a certain person most nights but then again, the night time is when I feel comfortable. I enjoy being awake and outside late at night. The streets and trains are usually empty and thats the way I like it. I dunno why but the night time is just what I prefer. I’ve been told a few times its because I’m lazy or I’m not doing anything but thats not true. If I had a job, I would prefer night shifts or overnight and if I were in school, I would prefer night classes. I’m sure I’m not the only one though, night time is just better. 

This post seems pretty pointless now that I’m done, but oh well. 

Note To Self

Sometimes you lose your way. Then you feel alone and like you don’t know what to do with your life. Sometimes you feel like you forget who you are and what your morals are. Your decisions aren’t always the best and you do make plenty of mistakes. Just close your eyes and remember. You are only human. You can’t help but fuck things up sometimes. Pick yourself up and keep on moving. Don’t forget who you are and all the good things in your life. I can’t stress this enough. It could always be worse. 

Bored.

I HATE  falling asleep early. Then of course, I wake up at 2 am and can’t go back to sleep. -_- Then I have nothing to do but be bored and smoke weed.